I'm actually very relieved this little blog of mine doesn't have many, if any viewers. I used to blog prolifically on another much more private forum.
The words just used to pour out of me. I decided to start up another blog here as I really needed a fresh start. However as soon as I did that the words stopped pouring.
There were many reasons for that. Mainly that the big events in my life suddenly became something I wanted to keep incredibly private and those same events were all encompassing. I couldn't write enthusiastically about stuff publicly that I desperately wanted to keep private, and I couldn't think of anything else worth writing about.
I also started to explore photography via Instagram. That was a huge turning point for me. I found I thoroughly enjoyed that. It was something I found I loved learning about. It doesn't seem to expend so much of my energy. So I poured most of my creativity into that.
Energy is something I have to treasure and spend very wisely. I have a condition called Mastocytosis. I try and not go on about it, but it is a difficult condition to live with. It's a chronic illness affecting my mast cells and in turn affects every single system in my body. I'll do a post at some point explaining it.
The upshot is that although I love blogging, this one doesn't have the same flow as my old one. I'm sad about that. But I'm very happy that I'm blogging at my worst into an abyss. No one or very few people are reading this.
That could make me feel a wee bit pathetic or indeed, I could look on the positive side and see it as very freeing.
One of my New Resolutions is to try and be more creative in many ways.
I'm possibly doing the most basic and primitive creative things this year.
I'm having a baby.
I haven't really mentioned that online as I have some family members whom I don't wish involved, I don't think they do either to be honest. (But I have a feeling they snoop.) That sounds so harsh, but honestly it's for the best. I just feel so protective over the life that growing and surviving inside me. I just want loving and positive thoughts heading towards the baby.
This isn't my first pregnancy, but as I put it, it's the one that has made it the furthest so far. I have kept it extremely quiet as I can't quite believe that everything will be okay. My masto can make life difficult and as I had to change my meds over the last few years as we were trying, my health hasn't been the best. Oddly this pregnancy has been smooth, but the masto side of it hasn't. So I battened down my emotional hatches and tried to do what I had to do to get through it all. On some days that felt like all I did was sleep!!
But as my time draws near I refuse to live under the worry I'm jinxing myself by mentioning it. I'm having a baby. It's really happening.
It's very scary to write this on such a potentially public forum. Which is why I'm glad I have so little traffic on this part of the blogging highway. Highway, Ha! it's more a farm track.
However I know that many bloggers have started because they became new mums and needed a grownup outlet. That and I'll like a wee record of this year. This year that, no matter what the outcome is, will be life changing.
I'll leave this here. This wasn't the post I intended to write but that's okay. I'll come back to that one later.
oh,
Happy New Year!!!
